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北美枫文集
白水
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???TORONTO
?????543?
?????2006-10-02
???Dancing, Swimming, Writing, Reading
????? ?????月光泉 查找白水发表的所有帖子 冷雨2011-10-06 02:16:37问好临屏！
我想看到的就是古韵袅袅，其他的对我并不重要。 冷雨2010-12-24 06:15:09问候白水，圣诞节快乐！！
清源留字 亿七维2010-05-29 13:43:04问好白水！ 李盈枝2009-12-17 01:10:58过来拜读先生的新诗佳作，希望能从中汲取营养，以提高自己旧体诗词的习作水平。顺便向先生问好并致意。 君山楚女2009-11-22 15:55:12问候白水忘年兄。读您的作品，主我眼前一亮，慧心灵动。一篇好作品，一个好老师，确实能点破愚顽。 梦之2009-08-19 14:44:54向姐姐问好！ 很欣赏你的作品。
梦之 zmj1662009-08-17 02:34:36问好白水！ 万春来2009-06-13 16:49:42问候白水兄，前来问候！ 莹雪2009-06-07 16:35:14问好姐姐  |
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| 现代诗歌 | | 宾至如归 | | 古韵新音 | | 联赛专刊编辑小组 | | 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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 The Moon on a Foreign Land
(定稿)
The Moon on a Foreign Land
The moonlight,
pours down, like streams
it is time
for our date,
you are still
on a foreign land
are you rowing
back to me
by the milky way?
I shall be listening
to your paddling
our dock is old.
but our wine is warm.
the lantern is bright,
by the window.
remember?
once upon a night?
I picked up a moon,
from our glass, Packed it silently,
in your bag.
(三稿)
The Moon at Another Country
Moonlight pours down, like water
it is time for reunion
you are in another country
when will you be back
by boat
I listen to its paddling
from the milky way
Probably, the dock is old
but two cups of wine and the light
is still beside the window
Do you remember that night,
I took the moon from a cup
and put it silently into your baggage
<月明它乡>
月光泼下来, 象水
那是团圆的日子近了
你, 在它乡
何日摇橹归来?
我侧耳
银河的桨声......
杨柳岸的船坞或许旧了
可那两杯温酒, 一盏渔火
依然临窗
是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊
2006-10-08 18:10:26 |
| 和平岛 ?2006-10-08 20:18:21?? |  |
well done
trying to do some editing:
...
when will you be back
by boat
I listen to its paddling
from the milky way
Probably, the dock is old
but two cups of tea and the light
is still beside the window
Do you remember that night,
I took the moon from a cup
and silently put it
into your baggage
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| 白水 ?2006-10-10 13:26:55?? | |
Thanks. The poem is more beautiful with your editing. I am going to change it, but I want to keep “the cup”, because the “cup” is a special one.
The Moon at Another Country
Moonlight pours down, like water
it is time for reunion
you are in another country
when will you be back
by boat
I listen to its paddling
from the milky way
Probably, the dock is old
but two cups of wine and the light
is still beside the window
Do you remember that night,
I took the moon from the cup
and put it silently into your baggage
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| 和平岛 ?2006-10-10 13:37:21?? | |
two cups of tea
the cup: which of the two
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| 白水 ?2006-10-10 13:51:02?? | |
[quote="和平岛"]two cups of tea
the cup: which of the two
[/quote]
i believe that the reader knows witch one
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| 非马 ?2006-10-16 07:31:16?? | |
月光好！中英都不错。但把温酒译成冷茶(把茶摆在窗边那么久肯定变冷了)好像同整首诗的气氛不太融洽。
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| 白水 ?2006-10-16 15:00:30?? | |
| 非马 写到: |
| 月光好！中英都不错。但把温酒译成冷茶(把茶摆在窗边那么久肯定变冷了)好像同整首诗的气氛不太融洽。 |
非马老师, 您好. 谢谢您的鼓励.
真不好意思, 我总是这么粗心. 写英文忘中文. 这也是当初不敢学医原因之一, 怕把手术刀放病人肚子里。我这就改. 
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| 小枪 ?2007-01-09 01:03:19?? | |
是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊
非常喜欢这一段。
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| 白水 ?2007-01-09 09:51:53?? | |
| 小枪 写到: |
是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊
非常喜欢这一段。 |
谢谢小枪. 还盼多提改进意见, 特别是英文
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| kokho ?2007-01-09 11:57:54?? | |
Moon elsewhere <月明它乡>
Moonlight splashes ... 月光泼下来, 象水
reunion day is around the corner 那是团圆的日子近了
Elsewhere, you are 你, 在它乡
when will you get the scull moving 何日摇橹归来?
I listened ... 我侧耳
striving oars are all over milky way 银河的桨声......
The willow draped dock may be aged 杨柳岸的船坞或许旧了
While wine gyrates in a pair of cups 可那两杯温酒, 一盏渔火
fishery light trickling thru the blinds 依然临窗
Do you remember that night, 是否记得那晚?
I savour the moon from a cup 我从杯中捞起了月亮
and slipped it wordlessly 默默地
into your baggage 塞进你的行囊
..
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